t. a love poem to my sensual barok

not that i did not want it. but when she asked for us to meet, it somehow surprised me. i was half expecting i would say it first, but it came from her first.

i don't want to use the terms as it might make it look trite and may sound like i'm trivializing it, the thought that came to me, but not in these exact words were --- is our meeting an EB or and SEB?

its a strange thing - the kind of reactions we have when we use terms and acronyms. acronyms and terms are very convenient to use because its easier to understand but i think a lot of the essence and substance are stolen from it when these are used. sure we met on the internet, and we had SOP (acronym!) and it seems proper that we use internet terms, but she was not an internet creature to me. she was a real woman. somehow using internet acronyms in some way lessens the real worth of who she is to me and the meeting that both of us longed to have. i am using it here, only because its the milieu.

i didn't want to rush it, i must have said something stupid to avoid talking about it or agreeing to it. its not that i said no, but i gave an answer that was a yes but it meant let's not set the date right now. it may sound funny, but i needed more time to think about it. i was also giving her more time to think about it.

we were already on a defined stage - we shared personal things about life and work, our lives. it is also already on an intimate level - it was sexual and sensual. although so far we had done it only on the phone, it was still a far removed level than just casual and benign hellos and hi.

i was not sure if it was only me who was thinking that way. i don't know how others feel about cybersex and SOPs. but for me, what we do in the internet is very similar to what we do in real life. relationships in the internet go through stages the same way it does in real life. in real life, the relationship you have with a person of the opposite sex changes dramatically, goes to a deeper level when you allow a man to touch your pussy and make you orgasm. while there may not be expectations still nor a stated commitment, the levels are different, they are just undefined.

at the stage we were in, the level of personal things we have shared and the sexual intimacy we have enjoyed with each other is NOT the kind of level in the relationship we will be having when we first meet for real. our first meeting in real life will not start at the same typical first meeting that happens in real life meetings. because of the intimacy we have had through the internet and SOP, we will be jump starting it. we will in effect have skipped a few levels. where that level is, i don't know. but i knew for sure, it will be different.

EB or SEB?